Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
I feel loved anytime I come here to write my thoughts. Anytime I allow myself to indulge in the things that bring me joy and give me a sense of purpose, I feel loved.
It’s strange you know, I use to think that I could love others into loving me but in fact it’s the other way around. I love me into loving others. Funny.
It’s no longer something I look for, it’s something I’ve become.
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
Longevity isn’t as important as the quality of, to me.
Now, to have both is what I’d consider “winning” at life.
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
There’s something about raindrops gently tapping against my skin that soothes my inner child, she excitedly awakens and finally, she’s free to be, free.
Not much thought is put into what I have on, what style my hair is in or what shoes I have on; except I prefer to not have on any shoes at all. I ground myself in coated cool grass. I can’t seem to help myself when it begins to pour. Joy is conjured straight from my heart and I’m called to, play.
Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.
First and foremost I hope people will be honest.
Being able to accurately translate my heart is indeed a love language that I could only hope others speak fluently.
I hope people are honest about the version of me they know, the versions will vary person by person because well, I’ve made it a point to grow.
Some may not recognize me.
I hope all or at least most say good things of course, things like I was kind hearted, good spirited and that I inspired their own, growth.
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
I can tell when people are being themselves. Authenticity is rare so when I see people loving themselves and being true to who they are, it’s truly inspiring. In a world like today I can understand how hard it could be to not be tempted to pretend to be someone you’re not to either be accepted or even seen. The people that just don’t “give a fuck” I cheer for. The ones who break rules to create better ones and the ones who beat to their own drum to make the music they like are my kind of people.
Admirable are the ones who do shit scared.
I know what heartbreak feels like now.
I thought that if and when it happened it would be by someone I loved deeply or lost forever.
But, no.
If you follow me and/or have read my blog then you know I’m documenting every step of my evolution. I’ve come to face hard truths about myself, my life and the world around me and it has been nothing short of amazing witnessing myself blossom into someone that radiates, life.
The most recent, MOST heart shattering truth I’ve come to face was me learning my purpose.
It seems as though the path I’ve been on has been parallel but nothing could’ve prepared me for what I’ve come to learn.
I found that my inevitable desire and aggressive persistence to just be “better” is for the betterment of others. Basically, my personal growth is a must in order for me to be better equipped to assist others in their own character development.
Now, this sounds to be good news right? But There’s something heartbreaking about this.
I came to this conclusion in the midst of a failing relationship.
This was a fairly healthy relationship and I tried to help start him on his own journey of self discovery and healing, but unfortunately he wasn’t interested. I ultimately gave up and I finally taught myself that this path is only traveled by those who desire to and I needed to be okay with that. I wasn’t at first but, I got there.
I started to see him through lenses I’ve never seen before. He appeared to be more sensitive than what he lead me and others to believe. I picked up on possible wounds he had and how that affected how he showed up in our relationship and I began to understand his methods and mindset better than before. I saw him for exactly who he was. The list goes on and despite my own emotional turmoil, I gave him grace, but
MY GOD DID I WANT TO BE ANGRY!
I wanted to be angry at him for not being able to just fix himself! Right then and there.
I wanted to awaken parts of the un-healed seven year old in me and unleash onto him all the pain and frustration I felt but no matter how much I felt it, I couldn’t because in those moments he was “bigger” than all of it.
I had the awareness and the knowledge to help him and myself. He did not.
My own pain and disappointment from the breakup wasn’t enough for me to cry for myself. The only person I could cry for was him. I cried for the parts of himself he hasn’t even discovered and probably never will.
This scared me because I realized that it’s very possible for me to live my life surrounded by people who would never understand themselves deeply enough to meet me there.
Being able to craft a beautiful story but never being the main character in anyone else’s is indeed a beautiful tragedy.
What is your favorite place to go in your city?
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas 🎄 !
Not really, here in Illinois where it should be 30 and below with 17inches of snow, it’s 60 degrees and sunny.
Around this time is when they light the big Christmas tree at Millennium Park and open the German market called Christkindlemarkt. They decorate the streets, people flood the stores to shop and everyone is ready to dive head first right into the winter activities. It’s pretty magical.
What’s the first impression you want to give people?
I know first impressions matter but I can’t find it anywhere in me to care.
Not even in situations where I SHOULD care, like first dates or interviews.
I dress accordingly and I let my seven personalities shine all at once and I just cross my fingers hoping someone likes at least one.
Just kidding (or am I?)
In all seriousness, Id like my first impression to be that of something, memorable. If I’m looking to make a good first impression I typically aim to evoke a particular feeling as they tend to have a more lasting effect than just what kind of shoes I had on.
I figure if I make someone have “good” feelings it’s likely:
A. They’ll remember me and/or
B. They’ll want to be around me again
I don’t think just because I dressed nice or gave them direct eye contact that’ll make me “stand out” it can enhance the impression but I think
First good feelings last longer.
How do you manage screen time for yourself?
I don’t.
I am however, cautious of what I visually consume.
Should I manage how LONG I am visually consuming? Yes, probably.
Should others? Probably.
What will your life be like in three years?
Hello me in three years! 👋
I’m happy per my usual and I have learned to express when I am not. I am vulnerable in safe spaces and I now know how to cry when I need to. (Releasing was never a strong suit for me)
My relationship with my children is more healthier now than ever before and the bond is tight. I’ve mastered a new set of skills to demonstrate.
I developed financial literacy and Im a money saving queen with even more streams of income. I use coupons for everything I possible can. Being a minimalist suits me.
Speaking of money, I have a well thought out budget and I no longer worry about “not having enough” because I have built a cushion to withstand any unexpected blows.
Finally, I have gathered the confidence to go after my wildest dreams and the courage to never look back.
I am ready for what’s next !
In Quest of Her 