I was on fire, burning with urgency to understand, love, grow, break free, and grab ahold of my life. It wasn’t until I started my journey into spirituality that I began to find answers. In the beginning, it was exhilarating as I began to transform my identity and learn new things about the universe and myself. It didn’t take very long for me to lose the momentum, as sometimes I still found myself feeling hopeless and lost. I realized I wanted to learn of what all the light had to offer and turn my cheek to the dark side. I thought I could namaste all the pain away and boy, did the universe prove me wrong. I didn’t know that starting on this path would ALSO require me to access the deeper, not-so-apparent parts of myself. I was forced to face my dark side, my weaknesses, and fears all of which the old me desperately tried to avoid. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but it was also the most necessary to ascend to the level I wished to reach. There were a lot of sleepless nights because I would have random bouts of depression, my anxiety was through the roof, and old pains and traumas began to make their reappearance, beating me into submission and reminding me that they never left.
Though some days…MOST days actually, were hard. I learned that I couldn’t do it alone, and there was no amount of yoga or reiki that I could do to heal the wounds my past left. I hired a mindset coach and shortly after, a therapist. I utilized the resources and the advice that was given and it transformed yet another part of me. My mindset coach taught me strategies to build health and wealth, he also showed me what accountability looked like. He taught me how to change the way I think and put me on a path that I vow to never veer from. I didn’t stop there, I gained a nutrition coach along the way. The things she taught me aided in my overall health and the pounds began to fall off.
My therapist helped me face the things I couldn’t alone. She made it easy to be vulnerable after years of teaching myself not to be. She helped me to let go of things I clung to that literally choked the life out of me. Every visit with her made it feel like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. It led to more questions and then more answers I was slowly but surely putting back together the broken and bruised child.
For months I searched for myself and for my purpose and I think I’m getting closer to finding it. Before, I thought I hated my job without a legit reason; turns out, I hated that it no longer aligned with who I wanted to be. The most authentic version of me was all personality, creativity, free-flowing and thinking. There’s not much room for that in that in the world of science. Me operating in my truest form was me challenging the norm, coming up with some grand ass idea, creating something to inspire someone, or helping someone in some significant way.
I am not here to sell any form of spirituality or to argue that it’s the only way. It’s just time to start asking some questions and searching for some answers in whatever way feels right to you.
The girl inside was tired of living in her own shadows, she wanted to be seen, heard, understood, and of service.
Though I have tons more digging to do, I’ve uncovered things about myself and the world around me I would have never found had I not started questioning and evaluating myself.
Just in case you’re wondering, no I’m not EXACTLY where I want to be in life and I haven’t built all the confidence in the world to move the way I’d like but Im astonished and damn proud of how far I’ve come. I’m still learning and still loving this journey. I am ALMOST there.
Come With Me to see what WE can uncover!
In Quest of Her 