What major historical events do you remember?

26 Days after my father was murdered and 45 days after my cousin (best friend) transitioned from cancer.

9/11 happened.

I was home from school that day and I sat staring at the TV while my mother sobbed at the screen and the others conferred with each other.

What. The. Fuck

Was the common phrase tossed around back and forth.

So much death that year. It’s hard to forget.

My 7 year old heart could barely take it.

I think it may have been that year when I forced myself numb to keep from crumbling under the boulders of pain and utter confusion.

I was 7 when I learned to not feel because feeling hurt too bad and feeling required others to feel for you when they barely had space to. I could feel it.

“Too much feeling.”

“What do I do with these feelings? “

“Turn it OOOOFFFFF!”

“PLEEEEAAAASSE!“

“Finally.”

“Nothing.”

“Silence.”

My subconscious is where I packed those feelings away, safe and snug so they don’t bother us anymore.

Until my nervous system remembers.